Asha's Life Sucks. Whoohoo!!
by UNKNOWN7
Summary: Asha's walking down the street, thinking about how her life sucks...
1. Default Chapter

Title: Asha's Life Sucks. Whoohoo!  
  
Author: UNKNOWN  
  
E-mail: Mlshipperx5452@aol.com  
  
Archive: Ask me, please!  
  
Pairings: There might be Max/Logan later in the story (of course!).  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: None.  
  
Summary: Asha is walking down the street, thinking about how suck her life is…lots of Asha-bashing!!  
  
Disclaimer: You know I don't own them. If I did the show would be soo much better, but, well, the show belongs to Mr. Titanic and that other guy, so, well, yeah.  
  
A/N: I hate Asha. Evil bitch.  
  
  
  
  
  
One day Asha was walking down the street, moping because her life sucks, because Logan doesn't like her, because Max is so much prettier than she is, ect. She was so busy feeling sorry for her sorry-ass self that she didn't realize she was in Max's neighborhood until she was right in front of her building. When she did realize where she was, Asha the dumb-bottle- blonde-bitch decided to go up there and kick Max's ass. Now, we would like to blame this moment of stupidity on drugs or alcohol (not!), but the fact is, Asha is just plain stupid. So she goes up there and tries to kick the door down. Yeah, right Asha.  
  
Now original Cindy opens the door because Asha's kicks were so weak they sounded like knocks. In fact, they were so weak, that Original Cindy almost didn't hear them at all.  
  
Asha was in the middle of a kick when Cindy opened the door. But remember, she is weak so Original Cindy stopped her kick with her hand.  
  
"Damn girl, that is pathetic!" Original says and lets Asha in.  
  
"Where's Max?" Asha yells. "I'm gonna kick her ass!"  
  
"Asha, how stupid are you to think you can kick my ass?" Max says. Asha turns around to see Max standing behind her.  
  
"What, you don't think I can?" Asha asks. She is answered with a kick that sends her flying across the room and crashing into the opposite wall.  
  
Max walked up to her, grabbed her by the neck, and lifted her off the ground.  
  
"Still think you can kick my ass?" Max shouted. Asha, being the stupid bitch that she is said "Yes", so Max threw her out the window. She should have died but she didn't because that's just the way the show works; they kill everyone we really like, and use extreme ways to keep other people alive ::coughZachcough:: So Asha got up and walked away and on her way home she got mugged, stabbed, and run over by a bus. Just another day in the life of the evil bitch Asha!  
  
  
  
A/N: If all you Asha-haters out there liked this, I'd be happy to add more chapters of Asha's sucky life…Just write a review and tell me!! 


	2. Logan Hates Asha!

Title: Asha's Life Sucks. Whoohoo!  
  
Author: UNKNOWN  
  
A/N: Well, here it is, the next chapter. Sorry it wasn't up sooner, but my computer's been down for a couple days…lousy Gateways. Anyway, I think this is going to be the last chapter. Sorry guys, but I'm running out of idea's on how to make Asha's life miserable (I know, hard to believe), plus I don't have a lot of time right now, what with school and all, but I might write one more chapter to kill her off, and that'll be it.  
  
  
  
  
  
Asha got a call from Logan.  
  
"Hey Asha, I've got a job for the S1W. Come over right away." Click.  
  
Now Asha got all excited at the thought of being alone with Logan, so she put on her sexiest (sluttiest) outfit and went over to his apartment.  
  
When she got there, she found him in his office, not alone, but talking and laughing with Max. Max looked up and saw Asha.  
  
"Asha? What the hell are you doing here? I thought I killed you." She took in Asha's outfit (it's too bad to describe). "Oh, I'm sorry, did we pull you away from work?" She and Logan laughed.  
  
Asha, dumb as she is, didn't get it. She pondered it for a while, then finally just asked "You have a job for me?"  
  
"Yeah." Said Logan. "Max and I found a cure for the virus. Only problem is it's under maximum security. We need the S1W make a scene so Max can slip in unnoticed."  
  
"Speaking of me, I gotta blaze." Max walked over to Logan. "I'd kiss you goodbye, but, well…"  
  
"Tomorrow, love." Logan and Max smiled at each other.  
  
"Ugh, you're gonna make me puke!" Asha said.  
  
Max turned and stared at her. "If we didn't need your help to get the cure, I'd kill you right here and now." She said goodbye to Logan and left.  
  
"Ugh, Logan, how could you love her?" Asha asked.  
  
"How could I not?" Logan was off in space somewhere, thinking about what he and Max were going to do when they got the cure.  
  
"She's a freak! She was created in a lab!" Asha yelled, hoping to get through to him.  
  
This brought Logan out of dreamland. "Don't…you…EVER…talk…about…my…Max…like…that…again." His voice was low and full of rage.  
  
Asha was smart enough to stop the Max insults there. She tried a different approach. "But Logan, what about us?" She said, sitting in Logan's lap.  
  
"There was never, and never will be, and us! Now get off, you're making me sick!" He pushed Asha to the ground.  
  
"But Logan…"  
  
"Asha, go home. And for God's sake, put on some clothes! I want you and your crew here around 8:00 tonight."  
  
****  
  
That night the mission went perfectly, except Asha fell over and everyone stepped on her. Then she got shot by the sector police and was arrested. She sat in her cell, hoping Logan would rescue her, but Logan was to busy with Max to think about Asha. Even if he weren't busy with Max he wouldn't care, because Asha is an evil bitch and no one likes her.  
  
So Asha tried to escape herself. She couldn't do it. But the guards felt so sorry for her because she was so stupid and weak that they let her go. She walked home and when she was crossing the street forgot to look both ways and was run over by a bunch of cars, including Logan and Max in the Aztek on their way to the Space Needle. (Max's bike was in the shop.) Just another day in the life of the evil bitch, Asha!  
  
  
  
A/N: Ok, it was more shippery than Asha-bashing, but hey, shippery is better, right? Oh, and, does anyone have any ideas on how Asha should die, cause I need them. Also, I'm working on the next chapter in Dreams, so that'll be up soon! 


	3. The witch is dead!

Title: Asha's Life Sucks. Whoohoo!  
  
Author: UNKNOWN  
  
A/N: Ok, here it is, I'm gonna kill her off. Thanx everyone for the great reviews. Sorry I can't do more, but I'm just too busy with Dreams, school, friends, parents, you get the picture. Well, it's been fun writing this, now kick back and enjoy the last chapter of Asha's sucky life!  
  
  
  
  
  
The writers of Dark Angel (who are some of the stupidest people on earth) call Asha into their office.  
  
"Asha," they say. "You're stupid. You're pointless. Everyone hates you. So we're going to kill you off."  
  
"No, you can't do that!" Asha said.  
  
"Yes, we can. We're sorry, Asha, but it's what the people want." They open the window and there are bunches of people screaming "WE HATE ASHA!! WE HATE ASHA!!" over and over.  
  
"Now go back to the show. We'll kill you there."  
  
"When? How?"  
  
"None of your business you stupid bitch now GO!"  
  
The writers use their evil powers to zap her back into the show.  
  
  
  
Asha finds herself in an especially bad part of Seattle. She looks around and realizes that this is where she lives. She goes up to her apartment, thinking that if she sits up there all day they can't kill her. She sits there a for a while and eventually forgets that anyone is trying to kill her, because she's just stupid like that. She decides to go out and see Logan, who by the way has forgotten she ever existed.  
  
Out in the street some gangs are having a shoot-out. Asha, dumb bitch that she is, walks right in the middle of it. She gets shot 50 times, but the writers didn't want to kill Asha like that, so they let her live. She walks toward Logan's, covered in blood, and on the way gets stabbed, mugged, and run over by a bus. But this happens to her every day so she didn't think much of it. Neither did the writers.  
  
She walks into Logan's apartment to find Logan cooking breakfast. Logan looks up.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" He asks, cause remember, he forgot Asha ever existed.  
  
"Asha, remember?"  
  
"Oh, Asha…didn't I run you over?" He takes a good look at her. "Why are you covered in blood?"  
  
Max walks in then from Logan's bedroom. "Morning hon." She says as she wraps her arms around his waist. She notices Asha.  
  
Max looks up toward the ceiling and yells: "OK, that is totally no fair. How come you can kill off Ben, Tinga, and Lydecker, but you can't kill some stupid bitch that everyone WANTS dead?"  
  
"Hang on, we're working on it", say's this big powerful voice that everyone can hear but Asha.  
  
"Oh, screw this." Max said. "I'm gonna kill her myself!" She took a long pole (don't ask me where she got it from) and tried to hit Asha with it. Asha ducked and the pole flew out the window.  
  
"Oh, that's it you little bitch!" Max launched herself at Asha and pushed her out the broken window. Asha was impaled on the pole, which had landed sticking straight up. The writers liked this and decided to leave Asha there for a couple of days.  
  
No good ol' Ames heard about this girl impaled on a pole down in sector nine that was still alive. He figured that if she could stay alive that long while impaled on a pole, she must be a transgenic. So he came late at night when there was no one looking and took Asha down to the lab, where the guys at forensics took her apart alive, only to find nothing special. She was still alive so they threw her in a cage and didn't feed her or anything. The writers liked this, and Asha finally died.  
  
That night the writers, James Cameron, FOX, Max, Logan, and everyone else on the show had a big party to celebrate her death, and all the fans had one to. UNKNOWN was glad that they finally listened to her and the rest of the fans about Asha, and began to plot about what it would take to get them to fix the rest of the show…  
  
  
  
A/N: So did she suffer enough for you? 


End file.
